So tonight was a blind double date or a double blind date – I’ve never been on either and am not sure how to classify this one. I knew Lillie, but Anna ‘Too Tall Betty’ and Jason ‘The Inhaler’ both volunteered themselves up for this experiment dates unseen. Anna suggested The Burlesque Show at The Hawthorne Theatre. This was a really fun night. I was all frazzled and late because I see clients until 9pm on Thursdays, but everyone was cool! Date #1 was Lillie & Jason. Jason is an engineer nicknamed Xinbi, which is an acronym for ‘Xinbi is nothing but initials’ and he’s a singer/songwriter who records his own work. One of the dancers chose Fiona Apple’s ‘Slow Like Honey’ and he sang along to the entire song. His cutest display of geekiness: when one of the dancers dropped her robe, some people whistled and some people hooted, but Jason whispered, “The golden ratio!” like he’d just seen an angel. I mean, it was a cool tattoo that she so brilliantly placed upon her back, but his response was hilarious. Lillie is a music therapist like me! Which means she’s also a musician and brilliant and quirky and fun.
Date #2 was Anna and Angie. Anna Castile is from Central Oregon and works on the Warm Springs Indian Reservation doing what sounds like some incredibly amazing and challenging work! She is also a singer/ songwriter. She’s quite clever and comes up with quips like, “Crazy in the head, crazy in bed.”
The cover for the Burlesque Show was $8, but included the opportunity to check out SE Portland’s vast range of people and purchase some really stiff drinks. The bartender poured drinks like I cook…no measuring required – you just go with your heart. Love it!
The four of us had a sweet little booth that was quite spacious. Good thing since we had my giant coat and Lillieth’s little pink purse. I love The Hawthorne Theatre – the old wood and vast space of the front area feels really cozy. I also love how two shows are going on at once – one in the dark, mysterious back end of the theatre that I’ve never seen, and then the big, open front area. I performed on their sweet lil’ stage once and had a great time. The Burlesque Show was really well done and a lot of fun. There was a guest emcee, Tokyo Rose, who was adorable, there were hot, well rehearsed dancers, like Claire Voltaire - the Golden Ratio Goddess, Zora Von Pavonine, Mona de Plume, and Wanda Bones, amazing pin-up art by Karina Dale, and there was a cute lil’ guy running around with his hamper to collect the baubles and trinkets that were tossed aside during the dances. Although we enjoyed all the beautiful, tattooed women who displayed a wider variety of pasties than I’ve ever seen, we were particularly enthralled by one woman in particular, Zora, with the peacock feathers sprawled across her back. And I was a big fan of the lotion sparkle trick as well! Seriously want to try it!
Our party was joined by the beautiful belly dancing massage therapist, Emily. She was great and we had so much fun that I spilled my drink and was double dog dared to slurp it up. Gross, I know. Pretty sure my grandma would not be impressed by this move!
In our spare time, Team Pink Purse came up with The Top 10 Things Martha Stewart Learned in Prison that she’ll undoubtedly someday put into a book and sell for a lot of money. How did we wander onto the subject of Martha Stewart, you ask? Well, someone told Lillie she had a Martha Stewart profile, and from there we went. Remember, ladies and gentlemen, you heard it here first!
1. Bedazzle your jumpsuit
2. Wear orange with class: Orange is the new black!
3. Make your own anklet chafing salve.
4. Master toilet paper roll centerpieces
5. Create cigarette butt art
6. Make your own ankle monitor cozies
7. Create Spicy Slop: Enlivening prison food
8. Rock the horizontal stripe
9. Accessorize your anklet
10. Use Toothpaste as glue
Stay tuned for Marthas second brilliant book monopolizing on her law bending habits:
House Arrest Made Easy: The Top 10 Things You Must Do On House Arrest